Analysis of Student Writing draft

BEDUC 410
Monica Paris
January 25, 2011
Draft 1
Analysis of Student Writing and Lesson Plan

Part I (Background and Context)

I have read a couple of writing samples of N.R.’s work. This analysis will be mostly based on a photocopy of a “final” draft produced by the student in response to a prompt. The exact wording of the prompt is not known to me, but when asked N.R. described it as “Tell someone who doesn’t know you, about yourself”. The main criteria for the assignment were to have a title, introduction, 3 supporting paragraphs (development of 3 ideas) and a conclusion. This assignment was part of the preparation for the standardized essay assessment students will take during the school year. The process included brainstorming for ideas (topical sentences), creation of an initial draft, revisions, editing, and final draft.

The written essay is fairly short, approximately 259 words in length or roughly two pages in the student’s handwriting. It follows the exact structure stipulated in the criteria, providing a title, a brief introduction with a topic sentence and a preview of the 3 ideas in the order they are developed. Each of these ideas is presented in its own paragraph, and followed by a conclusion in which he re-estates his introductory topic sentence and the 3 main ideas. The 3 ideas he presents are “I’m quiet most of the time, because if I’m not quiet I might get in trouble”, “Science is my favorite subject in school” and “I really like to work in table groups”. It is interesting to note his strict adherence to the prescribed guidelines. Reading the whole piece, the format in the introduction and conclusion feel very artificial and unlike his prose as observed in the third paragraph as an example. While in the third paragraph he provides vivid description and links them to examples of his experiences in science class, both the introduction and conclusion come across as highly mechanical products that follow a prescribed formula. He makes use of some humor in his writing.

Part II (6 Traits Analysis)

Ideas: N.R.’s topic is to introduce 3 aspects of himself as they relate to school so the reader will know about the things he likes in class and he “won’t get out of hand”. Because of the subject there is no specific subject line, and the 3 ideas presented although related to the main topic, do not follow from each other and are presented as individual, stand alone statements. The level of idea development and details provided in his third paragraph “Science is my favorite subject” is high. He uses “relevant, telling, quality details [providing the reader with] important information that goes beyond the obvious or predictable” (NWREL, Ideas 5B), as illustrated in his description of science work in the fourth grade in which “the beetles tickle when they walk up your hand”. In contrast, “I’m quiet most of the time” was developed only in generalizations like “because if I’m not quiet I might get in trouble” and would need to be further developed (NWREL Ideas3C).
Organization: How do you talk about the organization of the piece when it is created under such strict, artificial, structural norms? He followed the specifications to the dot. Based on the expectations communicated to the student, his essay is accurate.
Voice: Some parts of the piece demonstrate a strong commitment to the topic and selection of ideas (NWREL Voice 5D). Most of the essay however “is sincere, but does not reflect a unique or individual perspective on the topic” (NWREL Voice 3E).
Word Choice: Some thought was given to word choice, but it is clear that for the most part “words and phrases are functional with only one or two fine moments” like his description of the experiment with the beetles (NWREL Word Choice 3E).
Sentence Fluency: Most sentences are structurally simple and for the most part correct, but not very varied or enriching. “They get the job done in a routine fashion” (NWREL Sentence Fluency 3A).
Conventions: Basic conventions are followed for the most part, with some exceptions which at times “are distracting and impair readability” (NWREL Conventions 3D, 3F). For example “If no one distract me I can concintriate on might work.”

Part III (Ownership)

N.R.’s writing is best when the task requires specific, concise, statements. Observing his work in the selection of a topic, and the supporting ideas is one of his areas of strength. When the topic is of interest to him, he connects with the audience better and makes use of more details as well as relating the topic to personal experiences. He prefers science, but also likes to read and write stories with action. It is difficult to establish his level of ownership given that the writing samples observed all stem from writing prompts and each piece has been created with an artificial structure imposed upon it.

Part IV (Spelling Development)

N.R.’s spelling is fairly accurate and consistent for the highest frequency words he makes use of. However, there are a number of instances in which his spelling is inaccurate. Examples of these include the omission of ending vowels as for example “favorit” instead of favorite and middle consonants as in “anwer” instead of answer. His capitalization is almost always correct. It is possible that the single instance of lack of capitalization was due to lack of attention rather than an error in application of the rules. Some errors that appear to recur at this time are lack of appropriate punctuation marks, especially comas.

Lesson Plan for Whole Class Instruction
Objective(s):
- Students will learn to identify supporting ideas and non-supporting ideas for their persuasive letter writing assignment.
- Students will practice developing ideas by providing relevant details and rich examples.

Standard(s):
- EARL 3, GLE 3.1.1; 4th grade; Analyzes ideas, selects a narrow topic and elaborates using specific details and examples.

- EARL 1, GLE 1.1.1; 4th grade; Applies more than one strategy for generating ideas and planning writing.

Materials:
Students: Notebooks, or paper and pencil.
Instructor: Depending on classroom tools available marker for whiteboard OR pen/pencil and paper for document camera OR chalk…

Instructional Strategies:
- This lesson can be conducted as a whole class lesson or small group lesson or individual student lesson. Here it will be describe referring to the whole class as target.
- Students will be asked what they know about selecting ideas to support a specific topic.
Example: “You are trying to convince the principal to listen to you. What type of ideas do you think would be most effective in supporting your petition?”
- Ask students to write 3 ideas in support of their ‘topic’ (short time 5min tops)
- Using student’s answers guide them in indentifying supporting and non-supporting ideas as a class. Multiple ideas are analyze in this way. Summarize how to identify if an idea is lending support or not. Work on developing the ideas that do support a topic. Help students to develop ways to expand enriching the content without losing focus.
Examples of questions to guide students:
“Tell me more about how that idea makes your case stronger, what does it add?”
“How can we expand this idea, make it more interesting?”
“Why do you think details and examples are important?” “What do they do for the reader?”
“Is all of that information essential?”
- Check in with students for understanding, asking if they have questions. After answering any questions that might come up do a global check. Could be a thumbs up if you really get it, thumb to the side if you kind of get it, thumbs down if you want me to clarify.
- Then students should each choose one main supporting idea and develop it individually giving details and examples.

Assessment:
Formative assessment would be conducted by observing and actively listening to student participation (and/or lack thereof). The quality of the questions asked by the students and their ability to formulate and revise their ideas as well as their development of the same would also be used in a formative fashion to adjust instruction as the lesson progresses. The final assessment would consist of the one, well developed idea completed individual by each student. Its’ successful completion would demonstrate student understanding and ability to identify supporting versus non-supporting ideas as well as level of proficiency in the development of ideas and use of relevant details and examples.